Chronicles of Tanya: Adventures of a Madwoman ~ the International Edition


Looks like I took too long to write this blog, as I have completely forgotten everything I planned on writing and the order in which I wanted to present them…next time I’ll follow my mind and just start it on my phone and figure out the rest later.

I will say this though I am starting to question why it is I like travelling. Really, think about it; the hassle of ensuring that your luggage is a certain weight, which is especially hard when you are trying to pack for moving away from home for year. Then having accomplished that, the task of stripping down to your bare essentials to ensure that you are not taking anything illegal with you. Quite frankly I think we should just all go to the airport naked, saves everyone time and effort (lol but what a sight that would be). Then you would think entering the plane and finding your seat would be the simple part of the trip, but ALAS NOPE it isn’t. I think that is the part that irritates me the most, I mean you KNOW EXACTLY what seat you are supposed to be sitting in, what type of luggage you can take on the plane and how it should be placed in the overhead bin but yet still I still have to stand in the tiny isle and wait until you put up ur HUGE carry on, rum etc. etc. and realize that you are in the wrong seat.

Uuuugghhh trust when I tell you that that shit really annoys me to the point where on this trip, I had to get real Tanya on two ladies on my flight! Now imagine being booked on the back of the plane, if you are like me when travelling, I always try to enter after most people have gone on, giving them enough time to complete the activities above. That way I can get on and just go to my seat; this trip was not that at all. Having waited to be one of the few persons to board last, when I got, on low and behold there was a queue; anyway though seriously annoyed I waited patiently while inching up to my seat, being only 2 or 3 seats away bam we had stopped, why, because someone had sat in another person’s seat and we had to wait until he found his ticket to verify to himself that he was indeed in the wrong seat!

However, while all of that was happening the lady behind was apparently to sit in the seat where I was blocking, so the lady at the end got up for her to enter, ok not a problem; however, the lady behind me then says “ma’am could you move up a bit?” So I said move to where, any further and I will be on that man’s ass…apparently that as not a satisfactory response and she started babbling and getting an attitude. Now if you know me lol I just gave her my famous side eye and just ignored her and her ramblings, ONLY to have the person who had gotten up to allow her in the row turn and say the same thing and that the laptop bag was heavy, so if I could move up please and thank you and then started laughing. Well people, the bitch in me just stood there! I was like who the $#%&* are you trying to show up or embarrass on this flight you ARE NOT GOING TO GET A RISE OUTTA ME! ‘Cause as far as I am concerned you should have sat your ass and the laptop down on the seat until the lady was able to enter the row! Kmt lucky, having pulled and pushed almost 100lbs of luggage, unpacked and re-packed my carry on to clear airport security I was not in the mood.

I will say this though, (I am not trying to put it out in the atmosphere) but God forbid anything should happen with the plane, I will be sleeping through it! LMAO would you believe that as soon as I sat in my seat, I fell right asleep?! Lol I mean, I was conscious enough to know that there were issues with the plane and the flight would be delayed but after hearing that I was out cold until they started serving refreshments and that I was out again until the plane landed (as usual).

Any who, having landed and all, I thought I would have difficulties with immigration and customs BUT to my surprise I didn’t! Cleared immigration hassle free and as I joined the line to declare my things I met a nice customs officer who chatted me and started asking why I was here, how long I would be staying, what did I bring etc etc. so I told him Milo and those things and he was like girl, we have all those things here :-D. All this time here was looking in the man’s mouth only to see that he had in a gold tooth!!!!!! Lol guys believe me when I tell u it seems like almost all the men here wear gold teeth (the porter at the airport who carried my bags, the driver to picked me up and couple others that I saw when I went to clear my cargo)! Lol I was like, what century are we in again? #cultureshock seriously, a mussi only ninja man mi know still where gold teeth and I think the last programme I saw him on, I don’t recall seeing him in them. It is also quiet distasteful to have it in at work! #gross #unprofessional much?

Then it was time to head home and this is where I became a little salty about my transportation. I won’t go into it except to say that, I don’t like complainers, if you are given a task, be prepared for the worst because shit always happens as it did in this case. Nonetheless, having switched vehicles twice and three drivers later, I made it home and for those on my Facebook page the rest is history.

I will close by saying; I completely understand why our diaspora take certain items on their return home e.g. wheat bread! Lol man, I miss my national honey wheat bread. I definitely want that in my care package for anyone planning on sending me things. Additionally, if you are leaving home for an extended period pack everything and anything you think you may not need, trust me those are the things you will need. How do you now, simple, once you have a thought that you won’t need it PACK IT, because YOU WILL!

Ok peeps, I’m out, didn’t expect this blog to be this long but as I start to experience the country and what they have to offer I will try to share as much as I can. Right now, I need to figure out a hair salon, nail technician, transportation and the market settings.

Thanks again #teamtanya love and miss you guys

PS, would you believe that they play the raw version of the dancehall songs “badwud” and all on the radio?! Yes sah, I couldn’t believe, almost cricked my neck doing a double take when I heard it. Guess they need a Broadcasting Commission here too, I mean they have almost everything other Ministry and Public Body here that Jamaica has.


About mouttamassytanya

A product of the black green and gold, the land of wood and water: JAMAICA JAMAICA with a dash of Saint Lucia thrown in! Often misunderstood, but once you read my blogs and follow my social media handles you will see that I am nothing but a hardworking Island Girl just trying to live life to the fullest.

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